I was chatting to a friend the other day and she asked me what was the scariest position I had ever found myself in. I thought I had written about it somewhere on this account and went hunting for it. Couldn't find it anywhere. So here it is...
I was with 4 friends and we were island hopping in Indonesia. Now, as sets of islands go, the Indonesian Archipelago is fucking awesome. Thousands of islands grouped together. Some tiny, some immense. All offering something different yet on recollection they all blend into one in a sunny haze. That's probably the drugs that has done that.
We had maybe 6 weeks or so to explore so half the fun was planning it beforehand. Obviously you wouldn't stick to the plan as after a couple of days you would get sidetracked and find yourself investigating some ruin or beach or bar or whatever. One of these times we decided to deviate from the plan found us at the port of one island looking to jump on a boat somewhere to the next island. Always over the horizon but that is brilliant. I remember we got to the port as the sun was coming down and found ourselves waiting lazily for the next boat to leave, not doing too much and being surrounded by inquisitive children. Kids over there are born knowing how to play the guitar. I am fucking convinced. None of them own one but they can all play them brilliantly. A strange phenomenon indeed but carrying musical instruments in that part of the world always draws attention. Wherever we went we were begged by street kids to let them play with the guitars for a few minutes, and we used to let them sometimes. So this group of maybe 30 or so street urchins approaches us and while laughing and joking around, they ask if they can play with one of the guitars. Their ages ranged from 5 to 8 maybe? I wasn't in the business of cutting them down the middle and counting the rings so that is an approximation. Anyway, as I went to hand my guitar over I see this one kid dip his hands into my friends pocket and shouted out a warning to him. He heard me, looked down, cuffed the kid round the head, and then laughed. This was when it got weird. As if they were fucking insects and had given off an immediate attack pheromone they switched en masse from laughing kids to angry little cunts. The mood completely shifted and we were suddenly being attacked from all sides. I was kind of shocked but was fending them off and laughing nervously. They looked angry and I heard a friend shout "He's got a knife!" and then they all had knives or some form of either sharp or pointy thing. This was a constant attack, from all angles. Within 5 seconds of this beginning I have now decided to use my guitar to fend them off and then swiftly into a swinging battle axe. It was pretty furious by this point and I finally snapped and went mental. I roared as I swung the guitar from behind my head with all my might towards this little cunt who was trying to stab me with all of his being. We locked eyes and the battle was now in our minds as well. He snarled and stabbed. My guitar connected with his head. I heard a sharp crack and am ashamed to say that I was more concerned for the guitar than his head. He went down in a heap and I saw a lull in the fighting and we all made a run for it. All this happened in maybe 10 seconds and all I can remember from there is running until my lungs were burning. Arms pumping hard as I ran first through streets, then alleys, and finally trees. I know it was only a small skirmish but that is the closest I have ever got to a war. With 5 year olds.
That is the most scared I have ever been in my life
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