Are you still afraid of the dark?

I just finished reading this book. There was a conversation in it towards the end where one said to the other " Shut up or i'll cut your throat wide open and put spiders in it. " Freaked the crap out of me. Funny thing is I had read this book before quite a few times (Only Forward - Michael Marshall Smith) and never noticed that before.

In the same book there is a quick reference to "evil babies". Not a baby with an attitude problem, but genuinely evil babies. Like the pic above.

Clowns, babies, dolls. Why are these things so fucking scary when viewed in a slightly different light? My guess is that these are things that are usually associated with childhood and innocence, but this analogy doesn't necessarily carry with all objects associated with childhood and all the innocence that is supposed to come with it.

Lego for instance. Never gonna be scary. I used to have bucket loads of the stuff as a kid. I only ever used to do two things with it.

1) Make spaceships

2) Throw it out of the window for no good reason (that used to piss my mum off no end)

It was great fun.

Ice pops

How are these scary?

I remember buying these for 4p and playing in the park for hours. That was before paedophiles were invented, a gentler day. I remember playing in the forest in the summer holidays with my friends. We used to get there at about 8am and get home about 10 hours later, covered in mud and stinking of the fires we had started all day but grinning like idiots for the fun we had had. If kids spent 10 hours in the forest alone now they would be abducted and abused at least 3 times and be home in time for dinner.

Angel Delight

Good enough for royalty this stuff. Butterscotch flavour too. If you look up the dictionary definition (thats Oxford Dictionary) of Angel Delight, you shall see this:

Angel Delight

[eyn-juhl di-lahyt]

Tastes fucking rancid. You know how when you are having a bath and topping up with your toe and check to see if the water is hot with your foot and for a split second if feels cold.... And then the skin peels back from your leg as the water burns it off because it actually hotter than the sun. Well, Angel Delight is so fucking nice that it is rancid. The end.

So says The Oxford English Dictionary, not that Websters one that is packed full of spelling mistakes, the Oxford one, you know, the REAL one. Check if you don't believe me.

Jumpers for goal posts

Ah, this one is completely incapable of being anything other than a warm and hazy memory. Never ever scary.

For those who don't have Football as their national sport (can only think of 2 countries) this one may need explaining. I'm not going to though.

Good days

I very much doubt someone could make a horror film with Lego, Angel Delight, Ice pops and jumpers for goal posts that is scary.

So , in summary, kill all Clowns, babies and dolls and the world shall be a happier place.