Attacked by a Buzzy Thing

I was out and about today meeting with some friends, having a few beers and enjoying myself. It was a beautiful early evening and I was heading home, walking lazily in the sun, listening to my MP3 player.

Then it all went a bit Matrix.

First thing I remember was seeing a buzzing something approaching my mouth which happened to be open at the time. Next thing I know the buzzing something had scored a direct hit and had traversed the pitfalls of my teeth and tongue to smash, exocet like, into the back of my throat. Well, in kicked the gag reflex and I bent over whilst spluttering explosively and realising for the first time that this was a big buzzing something and not just a mosquito. I could feel it scrabbling back there which in turn made me cough harder and harder until two things happened simultaneously. I had coughed so hard that my perineum ached, like I had just been kicked in the nuts and twisted at the last minute. My hands cupped my nuts with an automatic precision that my subconscious calmly complimented me on. Secondly I ran out of breath and it made me drop onto my knees, coughing like a plague sufferer.

Then, as quickly as it had started, the titanic struggle between throat and big buzzing thing was won as one of these chunky fuckers...






...spat out onto the floor, dead, as I slowly regained my breath. It was then I realised that an old lady was standing next to me looking concerned.

We have a fucking plague of these flying ants here right now. I know it won't last long, maybe a couple of days, but they are such indiscriminate little wankers and they aren't expert aviators. A pesky combination.