The God of Small Things is fucking with me right now. He isn't in charge of the things that really matter like whether you're gonna get run over by a truck today, or whether your doctor calls you to tell you that you have cancer. No. He is in charge of things like, where did I just put my lighter, the batteries in my remote control just died and I've just run out of milk.
Someone somewhere made a pact with The God of Small Things to have a totally hassle free life. What a great situation to be in eh? Everything he tries comes off effortlessly, all his plans reach fruition, and his life generally follows the "hollywood happy family" route.
Only one problem here. Where does all his pre appropriated hassle go? You can't just release it into the ether, where would we be if that happened? No, everything has a place and The God of Small Things has to redistribute this hassle. He can be a rather cantankerous deity at times and right now he is hovering inches above my head, milking himself and raining hassle juice liberally onto me. I can see him, he doesn't know that, but I can.
If you push your finger into your closed eyelid gently for about 2/3cms your ability to view the Gods opens and as I type this with my right hand, believe me when I tell you that the index finger of my left hand is firmly pushing my eyeball painfully about 2/3cms into my eye socket.
He's rubbing his hands together now, cackling. HA, he wouldn't be laughing so hard if he could see me poking my eyeball so painfully right now, thus ensuring I could see him would he?
So far today I have:
Got rained on to the extent that I was soaked through to my underwear, lost my keys, lost my glasses (twice), lost at least four lighters, realised I forgot to take my suit to the dry cleaners on Friday, burnt my dinner, smashed a plate, and ran a bath and forgot about it and got a tongue lashing from the old lady who lives downstairs.
Time I went to bed I think.
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