The dangers of Australian border control

I was reading the other day that Australia will no longer allow immigrants in if they have AIDS. On the face of it a sensible proposition but it all sounds a little unsavoury in our politically correct and ultra culturally aware climate. Anyone who has been to Australia will know they have some seemingly weird rules when it comes to entering their island. On entering Australia I was greeted by sniffer dogs whilst waiting for my bags in the airport. A mild nausea ran through me for a second as the paranoid, completely seperate, entity that is my brain ran a quick self diagnostic check in fear that maybe my bag wasn't so completely clear of the various illegal substances that sometimes find their way onto my person. The fear subsided as the dog and his/her handler eventually made their way round to me and the handler explained that the dog was sniffing for fruit. Fruit! ( It must be the first detail the dogs get sent on after graduating from sniffer dog school, niiiiiiiice and easy, nothing too hard at first ). The handler then made me lift by boots and let the dogs sniff the under side of my boots, and he then scraped the mud out of the tread of my boots with a pen, he told me he was searching for seeds. Seeds! What the fuck? We had a little chat ( interspersed with my nervous laughter, I have a guilty conscience ) about the whole reasoning. Me: Why are you searching for fruit and seeds? Officious looking dog handler: Australia is a unique environment, no foreign flora allowed. Can I check your bag please sir. Me: *slightly shitting myself for no good reason* Yeah, go for it OLDG: What's that there Me: It's a pair of jeans (they ask really stupid questions) OLDG: And whats's that Me: *getting slightly irritated* It's the 3kg of crack cocaine I plan on selling OLDG: *staring at me through his mirrored aviator shades* I didn't mean that, underneath it, is that a banana? The Officious Looking Dog Handler got on his two way radio and had me nicked for possession of a tropical fruit with intent to supply. I was led away handcuffed with my head bowed in shame as all the other non fruit holding citizens muttered away to each other about the fruit whore. Fucking nazi Now obviously this didn't happen, I didn't have any crack with me, but the rest is no joke. They are big on the weirdest things over there. And now they are gonna ban AIDS sufferers. Imagine if you had AIDS and went to Australia carrying a pineapple. They wouldn't know whether to arrest you or chuck you out. You could almost catch them in a state of perpetual motion back and forwards, back and forwards indecisively infinite. Like a perfect balance between north and south poles of a magnet . I need more sleep