How old are you really?

On this day I am 32 years and 264 days old. Remember that number.

Last Wednesday found me having lunch with my cousin. He works 5 minutes away from me and sometimes we meet up to grab a sandwich and take the piss out of each other. My cousin tells me that he is flying to Spain that night to spend a week with his family. I asked him if he was leaving work early and he said no. This surprised me as I knew he lived an hour from work and it takes 2 hours from his to the airport door to door. If he finishes work at 6:30 it's gonna be tight. I asked him what time he was leaving and he told me 5:30 am the next day. I chuckled patronisingly and told him that technically that was tomorrow. I then spent five extensively elaborate minutes explaining to him that he was in fact a cunt. It was fun.

Now, I'm not here to debate this point with you all, I see the logic in his opinion, but we were now in mode and everyone knows that the winner of any argument is the one who makes the funniest comments, not the one who is in fact right.

I won.

I think most of us mark the beginning of the day when we wake and the end when we go to bed. So, what happens if we don't sleep for two days? I know we'd say that we hadn't slept for two days, but it is never tomorrow, so how can it have been two days? Subconsciously, we had only been awake for a day.

Back to that number. 32 years and 264 days old. What about all the times I've not slept for two days, or even three, or even on rare occasions 4. Without drugs I think staying up more than 2 days is an achievement. With them it's a piece of piss.

In those 32 years I reckon I didn't do a "double shift" until maybe the age of 15, lets say 3 in that year. Thats 362 days I experienced that year (I can't be arsed to work out leap years in this post). At 16 it became much more frequent, maybe 15 weekends had only one day in them. 15 that year. 17 -21 were stepped up even more and introduced the 3 dayer to me. Maybe three 3 dayers and 25 or so doubles. 31 a year for five years, I make that 155 days. 21-25 found me straight back to maybe 3 doubles a year. 3 a year, five years. 15 days. 25 got mental for the first 6 months. Every weekend for six months was a double. Four a month, six months. 24 days. From the second half of that year and the first half of next I was Travelling. The odd mad weekend but maybe 10 in the whole year. 10 more days to the tally then. When I got back from travelling at 25 1/2, I hit it hard. For about 5 years. I reckon on that five years I did 2 four dayers, maybe fifty 3 dayers and a ridiculous number of doubles, *plucking a number from thin air* maybe 200 doubles. Quick calculation, 306 days. From my 30th until now there have maybe been 10 doubles, thats it. 10 more days.

Grand total, 528 days.

If a year is 365 days. 32 years + 264 = 11944.

Thats the number of days I have spent on this planet.

11944 - 528 = 11416.

11416 divided by 365 = 31.276....

There you have it. I am actually 31.276 years old (give or take a few days here or there for leap years and shitty maths. That would make a great name for a band, Leap Years and Shitty Maths.)

Having said that, it has just occured to me that I have spent the last 20 minutes of my life conveying this point to total strangers.

Woo