Proof that God is a cunt

Proof that God is a cunt. Me treading on an upturned plug three times in two days. I know that we are supposed to have free choice and that is why God doesn't interfere but I would gladly be a God driven robot of the apocalypse if it meant no more fucking plugs.

A plug is a handy thing until it lies on its back. Then it becomes a cunt.

I prefer the religious system of the old pagans. The religions where they have Gods for every little thing. Makes far more sense than the single omnipotent God. The God Of Making A Cup Of Tea has been a close personal friend of mine for years. We chat, laugh, joke. He giveth up his juice and I sup heartily at his teat. That kind of thing. Then you get the more scurrilous Gods. The God Of Painting for instance. He is a huge cunt. I rarely see him but whenever I do he makes my life miserable. The God of Drama is another one. She comes and goes in waves. She is pretty busy right now. As long as she isn't looking at me, I enjoy her frilly and turbulent ministrations.

Life is way easier thinking like this. You fuck badly with someone and mess them up a little too much, well, you've only pissed off the God Of Harassment. As long as you help old ladies across the road and gain the good favour of the God of Cardigans And Biscuits And Slippers, you are even. No single entity to keep score on your life as a total and you can mix it up a bit.

Plus, praying can be more fun and far more relevant.

"Please God of Train Timetables, hold that train for 2 more minutes. I'm nearly at the station"
"Please God of My Annoying Colleagues, make a meteor fall on my office while i'm outside for a cigarette"
"Please God of Social Interaction, don't let me make a tit of myself while drunk. Actually, pass this one on to the God of Beer while you're at it. I think he hates me even though I love him"

That sort of thing.