Parents. Don't do it

My parents were no nonsense when it came to naming their kids. Old bible names. I got the pleasure of Sam, and my sister got Sarah. Not the most imaginative and for that I am grateful. I'm not particularly adventurous where names are concerned. Fashion should never play a part when you name your children. Fashions come and go and some parents seem perfectly happy to call their kids whatever name is popular at the time. All with no thought of the possibility of playground teasing. This shit is prolific in small towns. I have four cousins with Italian first names despite the fact that they were born in Gibraltar. They have many friends with Russian first names and Spanish surnames. Looks a bit weird when you introduce yourself as "Tosca Gonzalez". Also, if you are Spanish and you call yourself "Jesus", no problem. If you are English and try to pull that one off people will look at you all funny. Wherever Christianity has marched and taken hold, Bible names are accepted as normal and considered to be decent. Only some bible names though. If I ever met someone called Absolom or Mordecai or Balaam I would fully expect to see madness in their eyes. If you live up to your name and your name is Balthazar, your basement is going to contain stolen children and many sharp blades and manacles. I met a Bathsheba once. She was about as sexy as it is possible to be for an onlooking 17 year old boy. She had all the right lumps in all the right places. Added to that she was dating my lesbian cousin and used to walk round my house in her underwear whenever she came to stay. Subsequently I have a decent mental image of anyone carrying that name. I say anyone but that is surely theoretical as I will probably never meet another Bathsheba but you know what I mean. Also, seeing "Children Of the Corn" when I was a youngster has given me a complete and total fear of the name Malachi. I have no idea why either as if I recall correctly, Malachi wasn't a particularly evil cunt in the film. The only thing I can remember from that film is that name. Who the fuck calls their kid Malachi?