Pitch me and I'll fuck you back.

Mondays. They really are shit aren't they. I've never been a fan and am usually a grumpy twat until at least 4pm.

A guy just turned up at my office and said he had a meeting with me at 9:30am. First I'd heard of it. Rather than sit there and go through my diary and question him as to when this meeting was pencilled in, I grabbed my tea and we both headed into our meeting room and let him get to it. He sat down, took a presentation from his bag and started pitching me for all manner of stupid ideas that I had absolutely no interest in following up in any way. Fuck it I thought to myself, I'll give him his ten minutes and by the time I finish my cup of tea I shall boot him out and get to the real work of the day.

Pages are being turned in his intensely cheap looking presentation and he is giving me facts and figures I am paying no attention to. Suddenly we get to a page with a picture of a dog in a jumper. He looked slightly confused at this and I smelled the fact that maybe he had been tucked up and jumped on it mercilessly.

Me - "What's this with dogs in jumpers? We're really not the type of company to waste time with this kind of shit, especially not on a Monday morning"

Him - "Er, I really apologise for that, that shot must have got mixed up in the presentation somehow..."

Me - "Hmmm"

So, slightly flustered he turns the page while I fix him with the steeliest of glares and then it happened. The funniest and best thing ever to occur on a Monday morning. The next page was a semi naked picture of him lying on a bed holding a bottle of beer in one hand and giving the thumbs up with the other hand. That was my composure gone and I just started laughing as loudly as I could. In between laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe properly I shouted for all of my colleagues to come in here right away and take a look at this. The poor fucker looked unbelievably horrified and he got up and left in such a hurry that he forgot the copy of the presentation (big mistake) and left me laughing so hard that I was now crying.

Oh the joy. I'm guessing right now that someone is about to get sacked in a big fat hurry.

Oh well, back to work