News Readers

Now, before I get into this one, I would like to point out that I live in the UK and if you don't, this may seem like nonsense to you, so please bear with me.

Ok, newsreaders. This is something that I have noticed for some years now and it has bothered me, there is no way this can be a coincidence. Here are a list of current Newsreaders/Journalists.

Matthew Amroliwala
Damian Grammaticus
Guto Harri
Manisha Tank
Mark Pugash (pronounced Poo-Gash, oh deary me...)

By the way, these are no low level hacks, these are all BBC employees.

...and my personal favourite

Balthazar Fabricius.

Ok, Balthazar is no longer a correspondent, but fuck me, are you serious? As an aside, his fathers name is Rodney.

What the fuck possesses someone to name their child Balthazar, especially when your surname is Fabricius. Please, have some sense of the future, and more importantly try to imagine your child being beaten up continuously in the playground because that is what is going to happen. I surely would have given Balthazar a few digs on a daily basis if we went to the same school.

I do wonder about the selection process at the BBC. I can imagine an applicant with all the boxes ticked, Oxford educated and exemplary delivery being given the cold shoulder because their name was Alan Johnson, where maybe another applicant with no qualifications, useless delivery and a face that looked like a bag of smashed fannies would get the job because their name was Aspidistra Farcourtulude.

Imagine it.

"...Good evening, this is the BBC News at Ten with Aspidistra Farcourtulude..."