Authentic Cunts

I had a few beers on Friday afternoon with a friend who happened to be going to Peru the next day to see Machu Pichu. Very nice. The pavements outside all the pubs were fucking rammed with people. I guess that they were all in "meetings", just like I was. Anyway, a couple of pretentious tossers standing close by happened to hear us discuss her trip and invited themselves into our Friday afternoon. There was a guy and a girl. He looked as if his name was Quentin and he looked desperate to convey his creative tension within. A cunt basically. All piercings and intricately shaven patterns in his scrawny bumfluff beard. She on the other hand looked as is she was called Cressida and was a little horsey to look at. I only know that cos I offered her a sugar lump and she had my fingers off. Haughty as well. Another cunt.

Quentin inquired as to whether my friend was going on the four day trail or taking the train up instead. She told him that she was using the train. A sensible choice if you ask me. If there is one word I associate with mountain climbing it is "why?". Quentins face lit up at this answer as he then launched into a lecture on how she was missing out on the authentic experience by doing this. He told us in glorious detail about his 4 day trek up the side of a Peruvian mountain. He felt he had connected with the indigenous peoples during this trip. A truly authentic experience. I did ask him whether he now sacrificed small children daily on the upper step of his personal Ziggurat. Drenching both the steps and himself in their lifeblood. Seeing as that was the truly authentic response to the area, I fully expected him to answer yes and tell us how his family line could be traced back to Montezuma himself. Unfortunately he didn't. He got the underlying sentiment of my question though and turned back to Cressida as she snorted and shook her head. I wish I had a curry comb to offer but alas I had left mine at home that morning.

Why do people always seek to experience true authenticity to the point of ridiculousness?

"Oh yeah, seriously, you simply must go to Kallamattarecopapolous. Make sure it is during the summer solstice, yeah. That is their holy time you know. Seriously, I felt truly Greek then."

Or

"Oh you must try this recipe I got back from Sicily. You absolutely have to use Sicilian lemons picked from the tree on the waxing of the moon in the fourth phase, of course. If you can't get those lemons, don't bother, just forget it."

What a heap of shit. Indigenous accents are adopted by some on their return from their holidays. Someone comes back from their 2 weeks in Thailand and suddenly pronounce the place names in what they deem an authentic Thai accent.

"Well, that is how they pronounce it over there you know. No need to call me a cunt for trying to be real."

Yes there is, and there always will be.